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Category Archives: inner thoughts

Will 2014 bring me Joy?


Hello Family, Friends, and All my Kidney Peeps,

I’m not really sure if anyone is reading my blog these days. Honestly, it’s not like I’ve been writing or sharing all the craziness which would be my life. I haven’t been really in the mood to revel all the events that have happened the past few months but I told myself that writing usually helps me heal and deal.

Last July Keeshan (my other half) finally was able to buy a new car. He was driving his deceased mother’s vehicle for quite sometime. In a way selling the old car released him from the link he had with her. They didn’t have a really good relationship so to me it was his way of letting go. It really was a joyous moment for me to see him get the reward he longed for. That moment of peace and contentment only lasted for one month.

It was September 9th and I had an interview for a seasonal position at Wine Country Gift Baskets. I worked there for two seasons per kidney failure. I decided it would be a good time to try again. I mean I wasn’t really doing anything and thought it would be nice to be able to buy presents this year. The interview went well although I didn’t get the position because of availability. YES, folks dialysis does take over your life and BOY is it demanding. I skipped my treatment on Monday in order to be able to attend the interview. The following day, which was a Tuesday is my normal off day but I had to do my treatment that day. I didn’t mind since I was going to get to drive Jean Grey (that’s the name of Keeshan’s brand new car) to treatment and run my errands afterwards. Jean Grey made you want to drive her. She was a beautiful black stallion, powerful and smooth. Her engine purred. Jean’s sunroof allowed me to feel that great Southern California sun that I rarely get to appreciate these days. For those out there that don’t know, dialysis takes most of my energy. At times going outside and feeling the wind and sun hurt, however, that day I felt good. I knew I would be in the car and even for just a moment I felt freedom. I felt normal. . It really was a good day. car

Then, the unthinkable happened… I crashed her! I blacked out behind the wheel and hit a park car. There was a man inside probably waiting for his child since there was a school across the street. The impact of Jean hitting his car pushed his vehicle to hit the car in front of him. His car was totaled! I was unable to get his name but I knew he was rushed to USC Medical Center. I couldn’t understand what happened. I’ve driven many times to treatment. I’ve been on dialysis for three years now. I felt fine when I left the dialysis center. What went wrong? What happened differently that day that caused this accident. That single event opened Pandora’s box for things to come that I wasn’t ready for. photo 2

 
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Posted by on 01/24/2014 in inner thoughts